Why no sex before marriage? Did He really say? you must not eat…? Part 1
Nov 29 in Love
I am probably the most unqualified person to write on this subject as I was pregnant when I got married; that cliche of ‘do as I say and not as I do’ which is a total washout for as soon as your children know you have done something, it is an instant ‘you can do it too!’ in their mind. Having three beautiful daughters, now young women who will soon be contemplating marriage, why is it so important to me that they do things the right way round? Get it right. How do I convince them of the benefits of no sex before marriage and what is my argument? Why do I want them to do it differently to me and do I have a leg to stand on?
As a mum I want the best for my girls, want them to be far better than me and excel in every area of their lives. A healthy and happy marriage is like finding a precious jewel of immeasurable value, a precious rarity in this day and age (that doesn’t mean they don’t also go through tough times; like a diamond, there is a lot of work that goes into extracting the jewel from the coal – then there is still very precise cutting and polishing in it becoming that precious stone) you just want to make sure you have the right person by your side when the master craftsman is knocking off all those rough edges.
How can I convince my girls and other young adults to make the choice of holding out? To make the decision to wait and explore the possibilities of taking the tougher road whilst assuring them that it will be all worth it in the end.
Not choosing the good at the expense of the best.
‘The Bible’s instructions for relationships aren’t out of date, but rather, they provide a timeless roadmap for navigating relationships in the healthiest way possible.’
Sex has become a dirty word, a recreational word yet God created it as something beautiful with a specific purpose and design. It was His idea. On a practical level for procreating, but also as a form of closeness and intimacy. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is profound …” When you meet you are two distinct individuals, two one’s ( 1 + 1 = 2). However, in lovemaking, you become two halves (½ + ½ = 1). There is not just a physical attachment that takes place but a chemical, emotional and spiritual one too.
We are made of body, soul (our mind, will and emotions) and spirit. Bonding during sex happens in these three areas. On a Scientific note “during sexual intimacy bonding hormones are released, one of these is Oxytocin (known as the Love hormone) which also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain and plays a huge role in pair bonding”. This is the same hormone that is released in a mother during birth. Explaining why it is that (particularly in women) the emotional aspect goes beyond just the physical; why emotions can get all tangled up, where you can’t think or see things rationally; feelings are now part of the mix. How many times do we see couples and think: ‘why does she/he put up with the way she/he is treating her/him?’ The attachment is deeper than just the physical and now a spade is no longer a spade, but is an overworked garden implement with an identity-crisis that just needs to be loved and understood. Not make sense? Exactly my point! Vision becomes impaired and you just can’t see things for what they really are but begin to make up excuses.
Children as young as 11 are experimenting with sex. They are not mentally or physically ready nor prepared emotionally, but they are exposed to so much adult material that they play grown up games having to deal with grown up consequences they are not equipped to handle; whilst missing out on all the fun of being kids. I would never let my girls do anything that I didn’t feel they were mentally ready for. I remember when they were quite young they wanted to go to the Park on their own, I didn’t have a problem with that in itself, only that I knew that there were some teenagers who would hang around the swings that made me cautious. I wanted them to be of a mental capacity to be able to stand up for themselves and what they knew to be right. To have a confidence in themselves that would not buckle under peer pressure, be intimidated, swayed, wrongly influenced or feel that they had anyone to impress just because they were older and then find themselves involved in things that were wrong or weren’t ready emotionally or mentally to tackle. Our youth are playing with life altering situations they are too young to be even considering and are then left to deal with their life long term consequences.
I believe that a lack of godly boundaries, the lack of clearly defined lines of what is right and what is wrong; a consensual society to sin is what is at the root of the rise in mental health issues affecting our society. The ramifications of the effect of sin on society are huge but deemed old fashioned.
… to be continued …